apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
