ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
