Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
