Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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