wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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