I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
