Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
