Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
