Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
