...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
