Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
