The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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