like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
