Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
