Redeem this text for a blowjob
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
