Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
