hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A+ Viking dick
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize