Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
