yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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