if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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