So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
