i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
