All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
