you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
