if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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