it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
