I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
