so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
