i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
