the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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