Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize