I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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