If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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