once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
