i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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