I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He better not be in your backpack
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
