Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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