My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You made out with two different species that night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
