she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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