she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
