She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
