I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this just has baby written all over it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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