guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize