Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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