I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
