It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
