I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
