my sisters under your porch take her home
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
