im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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