Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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