What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
