I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize