Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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