Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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