plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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