I just threw up on my dentist
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
