In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
