What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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