Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
