yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
