And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
