I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I met the friendliest cop last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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