Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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