I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
