fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
