Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
