My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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