sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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