Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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