halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
