Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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