YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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