I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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