Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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