I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
