Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
