im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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