idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
